Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
