Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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