Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
