I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
