her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
