Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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