I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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