i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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