even my farts smell like vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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