Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
