My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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