the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
