im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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