I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
