I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
