I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
