I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
