i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
