This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
