I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
