Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
