Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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