And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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