Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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