We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
