I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
