I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
