tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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