hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
