wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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