i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He kissed a someone with a penis
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
