I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
