I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
