I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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