Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
