bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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