I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
