all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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