Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
