I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
