im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pants are for mortals
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
