Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
