I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
