he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
