we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
