'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
