he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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