he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
