Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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