I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
