I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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