Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
