There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
