i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
