I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
