I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
