i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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