my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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