Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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